EUROPA

(2009)

ISBN: 1-60076-138-0

2.20.2009

Watch out for those crazy dialog tags!

It is the year 2045 (though you wouldn’t know it because all culture references are about current television, movies, and music) and the Yellowstone Caldera is getting ready to erupt; killing off most of the population of the world. The first African-American president, Jackson Forsythe, sends the world’s richest man, Adrian Blakely, to gather up the smartest minds in the world (who all apparently live in New York). The group will travel to Europa, a moon of Jupiter, to colonize it for human life. While there, the group is attacked by aliens and the novel abruptly stops.

There are some bad books out there but this one has its eyes on the prize for the worst ever written. The basic idea of the Yellowstone super-volcano erupting and killing off a big chunk of the population is kind of cool, but the handling of the story is terrible. Every character is pretty much the same with a different description of what they look like. Gehlert cannot write good dialog whatsoever, yet he fills up about fifty-percent of the book with horrible dialog. None of the actions of the characters seem to make any sense: the worlds richest man is not going to go hunt down people personally; there is no red original series “Batman” phone that you can pick up and call the president; why go to Europa at all when our own moon is relatively close and doesn’t have a average temperature of negative 276°F; and fame and fortune that everyone seeks (including the richest man in the world who already has both) is irrelevant if the world just got destroyed. The novel abruptly stops because it is part of a trilogy. This just makes you want to scream because a trilogy should be three completed novels all falling under the same general story or canon.

This train-wreck of a book brings up two important points:

The first is the absolute need for editors in the publishing world. These guys and gals are the underdogs that some writers sneer at. When you first start off trying to hone your skills in the writing world with the short story market, editors are the ones that say no to you and give you those great form rejections that don’t seem to be any help. But in a way they’re telling you to work harder and try again. I hate the crap about editors stifling creativity for commercial viability that is heard by often rejected writers. It is the editor’s job to bring out the best in your work. And commercial viability allows you to gain more notoriety and finances in order to spend more time creating and giving you a wider audience to speak with. Books such as this one clearly show that there is little editor involvement if any.

The second point is the need for research. Of all the genres to write in, Science Fiction is the one that demands research the most. In Europa we’re never told why the spaceship has artificial gravity or how the spacesuits work on such a cold satellite. Of course there are tons of explanations that can be used for these subjects none are given. When a writer can weave research in perfectly with the story, never drawing the reader too far from the plot, the reading experience is so much more satisfying. Also you come away from the book feeling the hard work that was put into it. Any time you have something that you know is a product of hard work and a strong work ethic you immediately add more value and even some respect to it. I think it was a Rolling Stone article that said author Chuck Palahniuk once read an entire reference book to add one sentence to the book he was writing. This kind of dedication to your craft shows and is why authors like Palahniuk, Clancy, Gerritsen, and hundreds more are best selling authors.

Europa is a bad book but it did bring about quite a few interesting thoughts for this reviewer.

1 out of 5

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Reviewed by Scott M. Sandridge

8.7.10

Yellowstone Park is about to erupt and end the world as we know it. After a few failed attempts to halt the eruption or reduce it explosive power, a team is sent to colonize, not Mars, but Europa? Unfortunately a furry blue alien race with vicious claws and teeth has gotten there first.

The story suffers from pages upon pages of info dump. By page 97 I was gritting my teeth, yelling, “Enough of Yellowstone! I’m sick of hearing about Yellowstone!”

To make matters worse, the main thrust of the story’s plot doesn’t even appear until page 154, after the story is half over. The characters are little more than clichéd caricatures, even though the dialogue had its good moments. Unfortunately, one of the most suspenseful scenes had its suspense completely robbed via being done as flashback in dialogue.

At least there was a sex scene to look forward to; sort of. Except it was brief, read like a boyhood fantasy, and that was before the “fade to black” moment.

Overall. One out of Five.